As Holly and I prepare for ALB’s “best of” list for 2016, I have decided to tell everyone just how powerful a librarian I am. Holly is too. Evidently, I have the power to ruin all sorts of things in our daily lives and wreak havoc everywhere. Here are some of the wonderful /evil things I have perpetrated among during my reign of terror in library service.
EVIL Disclaimer
Although I may have appeared to have abused my powerful library skills, I am in fact, really not that bad. I really don’t want to RUIN everything. I have really tried to keep my evil powers in check.
- I have been told it is my fault because the Farmer’s Almanac did not say it would rain on their precious daughter’s wedding day.
- I have also been requested to predict the weather over a year in advance more times than I can count. In one instance, it was implied that I would be “reported” to a local Detroit TV weatherman.
- I have ruined a family event as a meeting room was not available on a particular date. According to the patron, this disappointment will kill all the elderly relatives that were attending.
- I have been accused of corrupting the youth by offering programming that celebrated a satanic holiday (aka Halloween), accused of hating America because I didn’t have a 4th of July event, and discriminating against gifted kids because our Summer Reading program didn’t have a special, separate program for gifted toddlers.
- Evidently, I am also responsible for breaking Google and the Internet. Evidently our library is “too cheap to pay for the good Google and Internet.”
- I have also ruined the reading experience: because our library chose to use receipts instead of stamping the books.
- I have ruined the entire library: because we have too much “liberal clap trap” and/or too much “conservative crap”
- I also ruined a used book sale at the library because I insisted that the volunteers take down a sign that said “Black People Books”.
- Ruining summer reading by not having a competitive reading contest, because how will we know who the “best” reader is?
- Ruining a vacation, because I should have told them that it might snow. In January. In Michigan.
I know that everyone out there in library land is also pretty good at ruining everyone’s life and/or day as we all continue to fight the good fight in service and literacy. We are with you!
Peace, Love, and Stable Library Funding in 2017
Mary and Holly
Awful Library Books 